Complicated Love

 

Mahaba haba ang mga nangyari noong 3rd month natin. May masaya, may malungkot. Pero syempre, hindi kita iniiwan at di moko iniiwan nung mga panahong yun. May mga times pa nga na maligalig tayo e. Naalala ko nun nung muntik na naman tayong mahuli. HAHA. Kinabahan ako nun. At yung favorite ko, yung trending tayo sa relatives mo. :’> pero yung hindi ko malilimutan e yung nag away tayo dahil sakin. August 16 nun at magkikita tayo. Dahil nga sa moody ako, nainis ako nung hindi ka nagtext. Ayoko nang ikwento. -_- pero yung away na yun, hindi ko akalaing magiging dahilan ng breakup natin. Dahil nga sa nasaktan din naman ako, nabawasan din yung pagmamahal ko. Enough na para hayaan kitang mawala. Pero hindi e. Hindi kita pinabayaang mawala. Kaya ginawa ko lahat.

Monday. August 19. 4th month natin. Kasagsagan ng bagyong Maring. Dahil sa kagustuhang mabawi ka, hindi ko na naman sinunod nanay ko. Pinuntahan kita sa inyo para suyuin ka. Pinuntahan talaga kita para di mawala yung natitirang pagmamahal ko sayo. Pinuntahan kita kasi alam kong nagmamahalan pa tayo. Dun, umiyak ako ng umiyak. Pinapauwi mo na ako, pero hindi kita sinunod. After 1 hour siguro ng kakaiyak, naging tayo ulit. Nung umuwi na ako, medyo nailang ako bigla. Hanggang sa pagtulog yun. Madaming pumapasok sa utak ko pero sinasabi ko na lang na magiging ayos din tayo. Nung sumunod na araw, ayos pa rin naman tayo. Nagkatawagan pa nga tayo e. Maayos naman. Pero nung Thursday na, biglang lumabo ang lahat sa akin. Nagbago ka nga. At mas nababawasan pa yung iniipon ko ulit na pagmamahal sayo. Naisip ko non, baka nga sinasadya mo to para mawala na yung pagmamahal ko at iwan na kita. Pero no, I don’t want to give up. Sabi ko, pag ganito kami ng isang month, saka ako bibitaw.

Simula ng mag4th monthsary tayo, gumulo na ang lahat, ang damig nagbago. Dahil yun syempre sa naging breakup natin ng 66hours. I know its my fault, and I’m ready to accept the consequences. I just don’t like the changes that happened to you. I was about to change, to become more loving, more caring and to become more patient, when I sensed that there’s something wrong between us. You’re becoming less loving, less caring and less patient to me. For me, you’re becoming a someone I don’t know. I tried to convince myself that you didn’t change, but no. You have changed. Hindi ko pa alam kung hanggang text lang ba yan o hanggang sa magkasama na tayo. Pero umaasa ako na sana hindi sa personal.

Nung mga susunod na araw, lalo na yung may sakit ka, medyo ayos lang naman. Siguro nga sa text lang nagbago. Pinipilit ko na lang na mag-adjust sating dalwa. Yung kahit gusto ko nang magtampo, hindi ko pinaparamdam, kahit na minsan e ramdam mo na. Yung mga simpleng bagay kasi sayo, napakahalagang bagay na sakin. Para sakin kasi, yung mga maliliit na bagay na yun e part ng pagpaparamdam mo sakin na mahal moko. Pero dahil nga sa sensitive ka, pinipigilan ko. Kahit na minsan e umiiyak na lang ako mag-isa habang katext ka. Pero ayos lang naman yun. Smile nababawi naman pag magkasama tayo e. :l ang masakit lang dun, baka every thursday nalang tayo magkita. T.T kasi nga nagrereklamo ka e, so mag-aadjust na lang ako. Smile para naman ikaw yung sumaya ngayon sa 2nd chance na binigay mo diba? I told you, I’ll do everything just to make it work. A promise is a promise. At unti-unti ko nang tinutupad yun. And I hope ma-appreciate mo yung ginagawa ko.

Sometimes, there are times talaga na kailangan magpaubaya kahit masakit. And eto nga yung ginagawa ko. Smile gusto ko kasing magtagal ka sakin e. Ito siguro yung nararamdaman mo nung tayo pa. Sad smile yung pangingibabawan ng pagmamahal yung sakit. Ang problema nga lang, di mo kinaya. Pero ako, sasanayin ko nalang sarili ko. Wala e, mahal kita e. HAHA. Hanggang sa mging manhid ako, JK. HAHA.

Pero it stayed the same. Halos 1 week akong hindi nagload para mabawasan yung away. Halos 1 week din tayong hindi nagkita para magbigay ng space. Mula nung August 29, hanggang ngayong 1st week of September, walang pangyayari. Tinuruan mo kong mag-isa. Pinaramdam mo sa akin yung mundong wala ka, at yung natitiis ka. Nagawa ko. Nakaya ko. At ngayong iniwan mo ako, eto. Kinakaya ko.

Sept 5, 9:22pm. We broke up again. And this time, It’s official and this may be the real end. Naiiiyak ko na lahat. Naibuhos ko na lahat. Lumaban ako, ayaw mo na. Dahil lang sa isang simpleng tanong na kung “nagwoworkout pa ba yung relationship natin?”. Nagpaapekto sya sa isang simpleng tanong. Well, there is also a part of me na umaayaw na kasi nga may nagbago. Pinangibabawan ko naman ng pagmamahal yung parteng yun e, kaso pinilit nya at sumuko nako. Nung araw na rin yun kasi, pumunta ako sa kanila. Meron ako so medyo moody. Ayos lang kami kanina, may topak nga lang ako. Pero ayos kami. Nakauwi ako sa bahay ng ayos kami, nakakain ako ng gabihan ng ayos kami. Pero dahil lang sa isang simpleng tanong? Shit lang ha? Pero ice nako. SIGURO. Basta ba e walang magi-interrupt ng moving on process ko. Haha.

Sept 6. Paggising ko, hindi na masyado masakit. Akala ko mas makaka-move on ako pag nakipagkaibigan ako. Akala ko mas maganda pag nakipagkaibigan muna ako. Hindi pala. Broken heart mas masakit pala. Medyo ice lang kasi nga parang walang nangyari, pero mas masakit kasi wala na talaga akong halaga sa kanya. Ayokong damdamin kasi ayokong umiyak. Ayokong masyadong isipin kasi mas masasaktan ako. Ayoko din naman magdrama masyado at ang pangit tignan. Haha. Antanga no? Sorry, just plain stupid. Pero itong friendship na to, pinapangibabawan ko na lang ng good and acceptable reason. Yung mas magtatagal kami pag walang commitment. Saka mas mabisa siguro to. Kasi nun ngang last week na no connections at walang pagkikita, medyo nasanay ako e. Baka ngayon pag maramdaman ko, tuloy tuloy na. Bukas nga pupunta ko sa kanila e. Ewan, para naman may one last happy memory ako sa kanya. Nangako ako na hindi ako makikipagbalikan, kaya tutuparin ko. Gusto ko lang talaga makasama at makausap sya. Tangina naiiiyak ako. 2 weeks and 3 days palang kaming nagsisimula ulit, nawala na kaagad. Haay. Sabi nya kahapon, mahal na mahal nya pa daw ako. Pero bakit di nya man lang ako pinaglaban? Dahil lang sa nagbago sya? Dahil sa sawa na sya? Hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara sya ki Arvin. Na nakipagbalikan tapos nagyaya ng sex. Yung porke’t hindi ko sya pinagbigyan e kinabukasan hiwalay na kami. Yung pagkakaiba lang e pinagbigyan ko si Americ. Ang sakit! Ang naiiisip ko, ginamit nya lang ako. Pero ewan. Hindi ko yun mapapatunayan hangga’t hindi nya nasasagot yung tanong ko.

Sept 7. Pumuta ako sa kanila. Dahil nga sa nanghihingi ako ng justice para maging masaya naman yung paghihiwalay namin, masaya at sweet kami. Actually, I thought everything’s alright. Na ibig sabihin nung mga pinapakita nya ay may possibility na maging kami pa. Napaasa tuloy ako at nahulog ulit sa pagmamahal nya. Sino ba namang hindi mahuhulog sa halik nya? Yung pagiging sweet nya? At yung pagyayaya nya ng sex kahit na hindi na naman kami?  Hindi mo aakalaing hindi na kami nun. Hindi mo aakalaing kunwari lang pala yun. Pero I kept my promise na hindi ako makikipagbalikan. Nung aalis na ako, naisuot ng ate ghaye nya yung slippers ko. So no choice ako kundi balikan na lang para hindi maghinala nanay ko. Natuwa naman ako kasi babalik ako.  Nung bumalik ako, tulog sya. Nung gumising sya, niyakap nya ko. Parang old days nga na kami pa at sobrang sweet pa namin sa isa’t isa. Unti unting bumabalik yung pag-asa kong magkakabalikan kami. Hindi ko naman kasi akalaing magiging ganun yung pakikitungo nya. Hindi ko aakalaing yayakapin, hahalikan at magiging sweet pa sya sakin nung mga oras na yun. Akala ko kasi lalayo sya. Yun bang hindi katanggap tanggap na reason yung dahil lang sa request ko e magiging ganun sya kasweet sakin. So nung bumalik nga ako, niyakap nya ko at hinalikan. A very sweet and a luscious kiss. It was a kiss of two persons romantically and very much in love with each other. And it was a kiss of a married couple who woke up on a Sunday late morning. But there was a problem in that kiss. It’s forbidden because we’re not even a couple. I don’t even know if he still loves me like before. But I enjoyed that kiss after all. After that kiss, I found a chance of asking him. “hindi ba pwedeng maging tayo ulit?”

“tayo ulit?”

“oo, ayaw mo ba?”

There was a short silence. Then he answered. “ayoko na.”

Nasaktan ako syempre. Pinag-explain ko sya kung bakit, but he just refused. Confused, natahimik na lang ako. Inenjoy ko nalang yung pagsasama namin. Nung umuwi ako, masaya ako. Akala ko kasi parang magiging tulad kami ni Summer at Tom sa 500 days of summer. Pero hindi pala. Mag-momove on na pala sya. Ibig sabihin, hindi pwedeng makipagkita. Sad smile saklap. Inexplain ko lahat, at inexplain nya rin lahat. Ayaw nya daw munang mag-girlfriend. Naguluhan ako. Kaya nung kinagabihan, pinaalala ko sa kanya lahat ng mga pangarap namin. Kung bakit at pano kami nagsimula, at kung bakit dapat magpatuloy pa. Mahal na mahal ko yun e. And at last, bumigay din ang mahal ko. :((( nahirapan ako, I admit. Pero I thanked God. Binalik nya mahal ko. Halos tumulo na lahat sa muka ko. Haha. Para akong uhuging bata that night. Pero sobrang happy ako nung bumalik sya. Suko na daw sya at ang tindi ko daw at napaiyak ko pa daw sya. :’>

Sept.15. We had a very successful week today. Hindi man successful ang studies ko, success naman ang pagsasama namin. Smile I admit na mas pina-prioritize ko love life ko kesa sa studies ko. Pero kasi mahal ko sya e. Pero I promised naman na magtatapos ako.

This week e puro doubt parin ako. May doubt na baka iwan nya ako ulit, na baka maging matumal ulit at baka masaktan ulit ako. Pero thank God naman walang nangyaring ganun. I assume na mas stronger kami ngayon. May mga matumal na parts nga, pero kaya ko nang ihandle. Hindi na rin ako ganun ka-moody tulad ng dati. Smile and I’m happy na mas comfortable na sya ngayon sakin. And ilang days nalang, mag5th month na kami. :”> kalimutan na lang natin na nag.August haha.

Sept. 19. Ang saya saya. Open-mouthed smile HAHAHAHA. Nagsine kami ni Baluga. Nanonood kami ng Insidious Chapter 2. Oh yeah! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wala lang. Ang saya saya lang. haha.

Lumipas ang ilang araw at ilang weeks. Nawawalan na ng sparks yung relationship namin. Minsan, pinagpapalit mo yung oras mo sakin sa pagbabaraha and sa computer games. hindi nagkikita. at madalas na lang magtext. tanda ko pa nung September 26, nung binigay mo sakin yung favorite junk foods ko. Supersticks and Mik mik. Natuwa naman ako masyado. pero that doesn’t change the fact na may mali parin sa relationship natin. bumabawi ka, pero hindi na kaya. masakit para sakin, pero mas nasaktan ka. kaya nung October 2, around 11:00pm, naghiwalay tayo. pumayag ako. and sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na kita babalikan. tanga na yung habulin ka for the 3rd time. kahit masakit, hinayaan kita. wala e, nasasaktan na tayo pareho araw araw sa kawalan ng oras sa bawat isa. aminado ako, na ako yung puno’t dulo ng lahat. kasi kung nagtino lang ako nung una, edi sana hindi humantong sa mga break-ups na ganito. pero this is God’s will. if ever man na tayo talaga, God will bring us together. Pero kung hindi na man, na alam kong 80% ay possible, let’s just accept it. mahal kita, pinigilan kita kahit konti, wala. hindi ka nagpapigil. tama na nga siguro tong magulong relasyong to. basta hindi kita makakalimutan Micheas. Simula nung nagkachat tayo, nagkatext, nagsex at nagbreak. maaaring tumagal ng ilang araw, o kahit weeks tong luhang napatak saikn, pero alam ko mawawala din to. ngayon nga hindi ako naiyak e. kanina lang sa cr ng for Smile with tongue out haha. sana maging friends ulit tayo. Sad smile

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Best Boyfriend Ever. :”>

 

[ Happy 3 months Baluga. :* tagalog naman tong gagawin ko para maiba naman, okay? Winking smile ]

[ 3months na agad tayo no?HAHA. Ambilis talaga ng oras pag magkasama tayo. Dami nanaman nating mga kalokohan e. Sana wag kang magbago kahit na anong mangyare. Sana sa huli ikaw parin yung Americ Perez na minahal ko nung umpisa. At sana ikaw parin yung kasama ko hanggang sa pagtanda. Mahal na mahal kita, tandaan mo yan. Medyo makulit, magulo, hyper at pasaway nga lang ako kaya pagpasensyahan mo na. Basta walang iwanan ha? Iloveyou dadi. :* ]

Bawat araw, namimiss ko yung kakulitan natin pag may cellphone tayo parehas. Walang araw sa isang linggo yung hindi tayo mag-aaway at magkakatampuhan. Pero ngayon, every time na naiisip kong wala nga pala tayong cellphone, naiisip kong mas gumaganda yung relasyon naten. 🙂 Yung tiwala at loyalty sa isa’t isa, pati yung hangaring makita yung bawat isa pagkatapos ng klase. Mahirap man, pero ang sarap sa feeling na kinakaya natin.

Yung mga araw na may cellphone ako at ikaw yung wala? HAHAHA. Medyo mahirap pero nasasanay nako kasi minsan nakikitext ka naman. Yung pupunta ako ng Main Library namin para mag-internet at itext ka, tapos yung feeling natin (ewan ko lang sayo kung mutual yung feeling natin. HAHA) na sana matapos na yung klase para magkita na tayo. Bawat araw excited ako kasi makikita kita. Bawat araw ngingiti ako kasi alam kong nandyan ka. Bawat araw mapapatawa nalang ako mag.isa kasi nag.aantay ka. At bawat araw nalulungkot ako kasi namimiss kita.

Yung araw na nasira ko yung cp. HAHA. Well actually, hindi ko naman talaga nasira yun. Ayaw na nyang bumukas nung pinatay ko. Siguro pati sya nainis kasi hindi na ako nagloload saka hindi na kita katext lagi. HAHAHA.

Yung araw na MUNTIK na talaga tayong mahuli ni nanay! Shet. HAHAHAHA. 3 days yun bago ako nakarecover dun sa nangyaring yun! HAHAHAHA. Buti nga hindi ako masyadong pinagalitan nun e. Mabait pa si nanay nun. XD di ako sinaktan e. Kase pag nahuli nya talaga tayo kahit naghahalikan lang, sasampalin na nya ko nun ng todo.

Sa dinami dami nating memories, di ko na mabilang. -_- na minsan ayokong nang isulat. Pero kasi hindi ako tinitigilan ng utak ko hangga’t hindi ko naisusulat e. Tapos minsan pa nga, maiisip ko, “eto na naman ako. Nagmamahal na naman, tapos pag nasaktan, todo sisi sa sarili.” Pero dahil gusto kong bigyan ng second chance yung sarili ko, eto ako. Sumusugal para sa pag.ibig mo. Naiinis kaya ko nun, kasi nangako ako sa saril ko na hindi muna ko magbo-boyfriend. E sutil ka, yan tuloy na-inlove ako. Tsk. Haha.

Nakakainis yung mga araw na inaakit mo ko. Sos! Alam ko na nasa isip mo! HAHAHA. Na ako yung nang-aakit sayo? Aba, hoy Perez. XD yung araw na andun tayo sa inyo, nagwi-wifi ako? Oh ano? HAHAHA. Tanggi pa! Matripan mo lang hawakan to, or halikan ako, magsisimula ka na e. HAHAHA. Kaya nga pinipigilan ko na pumunta sa inyo e. Ikaw naman tong pasaway. Hindi kita mapigilan e. Nakakainis. Haha.

Tanda mo yung araw na sinasabi kong ang sarap pala sa feeling nun? Tapos tatanungin mo ako kung ano yun? Taos sasabihin ko, secret? Hahaha. Yun yung feeling na marinig ko sayo na ang ganda ko nung araw na yun. Dun ko naramdamang in love na in love ka sakin e. Embarrassed smile kung pwede nga lang na ireplay yun, araw araw kong papanoorin yun. Ewan. Naramdaman kong napaka special ko sayo e. :’> ramdam ko kasing totoo yung sinasabi mo. Yun bang halata ko sayong nagagandahan ka sakin? Hindi tulad nung mga araw na alam kong binobola mo lang ako. Haha.

Minsan, alam kong nababadtrip ka na sakin kase sobrang hyper ko, sobrang gulo ko, sobrang likot ko, sobrang kulit ko at sobrang pasaway ako. Pero salamat kasi pinipigilan mong magalit. Smile salamat kasi hindi mo ako ginagantihan. Sorry dun sa mga times na yun ha? Masaya lang kasi ako nun kasi kasama kita. Yng feeling na hindi ko alam kung pano ko ilalabas yung happiness na nararamdaman ko kaya kita napagtitripan at kung minsan e, nasasaktan. Sorry ha? Sana naiintindihan mo. Hindi ko naman sinasabing masanay ka, pero sana pagpasensyahan mo na. Smile

Yung week na kabadong kabado tayo parehas kase di pako nagkakaron. XD hahahaha. Pag naaalala ko yun, napapangiti ako e. Lalo na yung week na nagkaron na ako at sobrang moody ko nun. -_- sorry sa mga araw na yun ha? Hindi ko maipapangakong mababago ko yun, kase ganun talaga ako e. Para akong umiinom ng alak everytime na nagkakaron ako, kase after ng dalaw ko, saka ko lang marerealize yung mga pinaggagagawa ko. Sorry ha? Sana habaan mo nalang yung pasensya mo pag meron ako, lalo na pag hindi kita kasama ha? Basta tandaan mo na kahit ganito ako, mahal na mahal kita at ayaw kitang mawala sa’kin. Kahit na minsan e nakakagawa ako ng paraan para mawala sa’kin, sana wag kang bibitaw ha? Tibayan mo! Hahaha. Mahabang panahon pa ang ating pagsasamahan. Smile

Pero alam mo yung pinaka ’THE BEST PART’ ng journal kong to? Yun yung 3 months na tayo! Open-mouthed smile hahahaha. Parang ang bilis no? Haha. Ice lang. Ramdam ko naman yung bawat araw na mahal mo ako e. Smile kahit minsan nagsasawa ka na, naiinis ka na, at naaasar ka na sakin e di mo ako binibitawan. Salamat ha? Thank you for staying. I hope mag.stay ka pa ng years with me. I love you dadi Americ Perez. :*

 

P.S. di nako makapag.intay ng 19 para ipost to. Haha. Masyadong excited mami mo. :’> I love you.

Moments With You.

 

[Americ dear, happy 2nd month of our relationship. Smile I’m sorry if I’m moody most of the time. I knew you’re getting annoyed sometimes because of my attitude, but I’m thankful that you’re willing to stay. I’m happy that you didn’t give up on me on those stupid times. So please, accept this. A short flashback of our story. I love you daddy. You’ll always be the owner of my heart. Red heart]

I messaged you and we became friends. When I messaged you more, we became close friends. We became closer when I flirted you. And we became lovers when we I fell in love with you. We never had love at first sight, or even have crush with each other. We didn’t care about each other, and now we have been together. That’s how our love grew and bloom. It started from a bud, and now it’s the most beautiful flower that I’ve ever seen. We never thought that we would be lovers from the start. I didn’t know you, you didn’t know me. But because of our many mutual friends, we started to be curious. It’s funny how our love story began. It’s funny how we used to kid each other around. And it’s funny how did I love you that fast.

I know it’s too early to conclude that we’ll be together forever, but I know we have mutual feelings that we will last forever. I’m just so happy that we met, that we kissed and that we love each other. You may not be the perfect man in my eyes, but please believe that you’re the only man in my heart. We may have many fights and arguments and misunderstandings, but you know that I can’t bear to live without you anymore. You’ve been there for me and my daughter even though she’s not really yours. You’ve been there for me even though I have committed many sins to you. And because of that, I am thankful that you’ve accepted me whole from head to toes.

I will never forget those days when we we’re very much attracted to each other. It started on May 13, when you were here in my room. HAHA. It was the FIRST. Then it continued on May 21, 23, 29 and if I’m not mistaken, the last one was on June 13, after my morning class in UPLB. We were so in love that we never cared how many sins we’ve done. All we care about is we just want to enjoy our love. HAHA. Those moments when we’re walking at UP, where you’ll always moan, and then we’ll just laugh hard like we were idiots. That even in our cellphones, we couldn’t stop smiling because we can’t move on. XD

We are just like best friends, always making fun of each other. 😉

The day when we fought just because I missed you being with me at UP. It was May 24, when I saw you with your friends hanging along. That time when I really wanted to go with you but I can’t. So I just decided to leave.

How could I forget the day when you were so handsome in my eyes, when you were sparkling in my eyes like the ones on the television. It was June 4, when you went here after your first class in the morning and spent hours here in our house. That time when I have menstruation and I can’t even bear to kiss you longer even though we’re very much attracted with each other just because I get irritated.

The worst day was June 6. Our fight was really annoying. Well, I started it. HAHA. But it grew bigger and bigger until it came to the point when you were starting to give up on me. It was hard, really. Knowing our relationship would end in any minute. I was like, “Oh fuck. What did I do?”. But seriously, my heart was starting to “doesn’t feel anything”, in other words, to get MANHID. I don’t know why, but I really don’t feel any pain. I really didn’t cry from the start, I just want to fix our fight for us to be okay again. But when you messaged me “ ..yun lang naman yung iniintay ko e. Yung explanation mo. .. ”, that ‘s the time when I cried. That’s the time when I felt pain and anger. HAHA. I’m sorry dear if I didn’t mention this to you. Smile with tongue out

That day when we I was from Forestry, and you picked me up. (this was the day when we were from your house before I go to Forestry). And we end up in Zyra’s house, waiting for her to come home. It was June 13, fiesta in San Antonio and in Batong Malake, and I can’t forget that moment when your cousin was asking me if I am really your girlfriend, because if I’m not, he’s going to punch you with the ice that he is holding. HAHAHA. Seriously, I was getting to tears that day just because of laughing. XD he didn’t want you to be a gay. HAHAHA. Even though you are really a gay. XD

4 days before our 2nd month, the biggest trial (I think) came in our relationship. It was a trial that will test our trust and loyalty with each other. It was June 15 and it was very fast. His brother asked his cellphone to be back. I was frustrated of course, both of us, really. But we don’t have choice but to follow his brother. I was just sad, because it is only 4 days before our 2nd month and we don’t have communication on our day. I was very sad that my heart thought we broke up and it was so awful that I cried so hard before I sleep, and read the messages that he had sent me. Oh please Americ. I really miss you. Crying face

3 days before June 19. Still expecting a text from you in the morning. Still checking my cellphone every minute if there’s a message from you. I missed you badly Baby. Sad smile

2 days before June 19. I was very desperate to see tomorrow. So I messaged anyone who have internet connection to give my message for you. Sad smile look how desperate I am just to connect to you. >.< I told them to message you in facebook. But when Regina old me you’re offline, I messaged some of your schoolmates to inform you. I really miss you dear. T.T

June 18. YEA. Open-mouthed smile at last, we have been together after 5 days of hell without you. It was hard having no connection to you, but it was worth it. The first time I saw you at the carabao park was like a thorn was pulled out from my heart for seeing you again. And it was HEAVEN when we became one again [ gets mo? XD ].

June 19. HAPPY 2ND MONTH! Open-mouthed smile I was shocked when I saw your face that day, really. That I doubted my eyes if I really did see you. It’s the first day that we were together on our day. And it was like the other days where you can’t control yourself from getting attracted to me. Tsk. But really, I was happy

[ happy 2nd month Americ. :* MAHAL NA MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. Hope you won’t change. I love you dear, and I will always do ]

Moments with you.

[Americ dear, happy 2nd month of our relationship. Smile I’m sorry if I’m moody most of the time. I knew you’re getting annoyed sometimes because of my attitude, but I’m thankful that you’re willing to stay. I’m happy that you didn’t give up on me on those stupid times. So please, accept this. A short flashback of our story. I love you daddy. You’ll always be the owner of my heart. Red heart]

I messaged you and we became friends. When I messaged you more, we became close friends. We became closer when I flirted you. And we became lovers when we I fell in love with you. We never had love at first sight, or even have crush with each other. We didn’t care about each other, and now we have been together. That’s how our love grew and bloom. It started from a bud, and now it’s the most beautiful flower that I’ve ever seen. We never thought that we would be lovers from the start. I didn’t know you, you didn’t know me. But because of our many mutual friends, we started to be curious. It’s funny how our love story began. It’s funny how we used to kid each other around. And it’s funny how did I love you that fast.

I know it’s too early to conclude that we’ll be together forever, but I know we have mutual feelings that we will last forever. I’m just so happy that we met, that we kissed and that we love each other. You may not be the perfect man in my eyes, but please believe that you’re the only man in my heart. We may have many fights and arguments and misunderstandings, but you know that I can’t bear to live without you anymore. You’ve been there for me and my daughter even though she’s not really yours. You’ve been there for me even though I have committed many sins to you. And because of that, I am thankful that you’ve accepted me whole from head to toes.

I will never forget those days when we we’re very much attracted to each other. It started on May 13, when you were here in my room. HAHA. It was the FIRST. Then it continued on May 21, 23, 29 and if I’m not mistaken, the last one was on June 13, after my morning class in UPLB. We were so in love that we never cared how many sins we’ve done. All we care about is we just want to enjoy our love. HAHA. Those moments when we’re walking at UP, where you’ll always moan, and then we’ll just laugh hard like we were idiots. That even in our cellphones, we couldn’t stop smiling because we can’t move on. XD

We are just like best friends, always making fun of each other. 😉

The day when we fought just because I missed you being with me at UP. It was May 24, when I saw you with your friends hanging along. That time when I really wanted to go with you but I can’t. So I just decided to leave.

How could I forget the day when you were so handsome in my eyes, when you were sparkling in my eyes like the ones on the television. It was June 4, when you went here after your first class in the morning and spent hours here in our house. That time when I have menstruation and I can’t even bear to kiss you longer even though we’re very much attracted with each other just because I get irritated.

The worst day was June 6. Our fight was really annoying. Well, I started it. HAHA. But it grew bigger and bigger until it came to the point when you were starting to give up on me. It was hard, really. Knowing our relationship would end in any minute. I was like, “Oh fuck. What did I do?”. But seriously, my heart was starting to “doesn’t feel anything”, in other words, to get MANHID. I don’t know why, but I really don’t feel any pain. I really didn’t cry from the start, I just want to fix our fight for us to be okay again. But when you messaged me “ ..yun lang naman yung iniintay ko e. Yung explanation mo. .. ”, that ‘s the time when I cried. That’s the time when I felt pain and anger. HAHA. I’m sorry dear if I didn’t mentioned this to you. Smile with tongue out

That day when we I was from Forestry, and you picked me up. (this was the day when we were from your house before I go to Forestry). And we end up in Zyra’s house, waiting for her to come home. It was June 13, fiesta in San Antonio and in Batong Malake, and I can’t forget that moment when your cousin was asking me if I am really your girlfriend, because if I’m not, he’s going to punch you with the ice that he is holding. HAHAHA. Seriously, I was getting to tears that day just because of laughing. XD he didn’t want you to be a gay. HAHAHA. Even though you are really a gay. XD

4 days before our 2nd month, the biggest trial (I think) came in our relationship. It was a trial that will test our trust and loyalty with each other. It was June 15 and it was very fast. His brother asked his cellphone to be back. I was frustrated of course, both of us, really. But we don’t have choice but to follow his brother. I was just sad, because it is only 4 days before our 2nd month and we don’t have communication on our day. I was very sad that my heart thought we broke up and it was so awful that I cried so hard before I sleep, and read the messages that he had sent me. Oh please Americ. I really miss you. Crying face

3 days before June 19. Still expecting a text from you in the morning. Still checking my cellphone every minute if there’s a message from you. I missed you badly Baby. Sad smile

2 days before June 19. I was very desperate to see tomorrow. So I messaged anyone who have internet connection to give my message for you. Sad smile look how desperate I am just to connect to you. >.< I told them to message you in facebook. But when Regina old me you’re offline, I messaged some of your schoolmates to inform you. I really miss you dear. T.T

[ happy 2nd month Americ. :* MAHAL NA MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. Hope you don’t change. I love you dear, and I will always do. ]

My Perfect Love in the Middle of my Complicated Situation<3 part 1

 

( I wrote this because it’s our first month of being lovers today. I wanted to tell the whole world our story, and for them to be inspired. This is for you, my dear Americ, for accepting me and my world, and for loving me and my daughter. I really love you! )

After I gave birth to my daughter, I thought having another and a new boyfriend was hard. Someone who will accept me and my daughter. Someone who will love and care for me better than my ex. And someone who will stay in the end.

And then, there it is. An unexpected love in the middle of my complicated situation. It was March and I was just having fun, flirting any boy who appears single in Facebook, then I chatted him. I don’t really know him, so I messaged him. It continued, until we fell in love for each other. We fell in love accidentally and unexpectedly. I thought it’s a kind of joke that nobody wants. But no. It is really love.

It was April 4, when he first visited me at my house. He was with his long-time best friend that time. My mother thought that they were there just to visit my daughter, but the truth is HE was really there to visit me and my daughter.

April 6 was his second visit. And it’s a tragic, really. Well, the truth is, my sister caught us kissing inside my room. I didn’t lock the door because they might think that we’re doing something (even though we’re really doing something. HAHA.). We thought that no one will interrupt our scene, but we were wrong. My sister interrupted just because she wanted to ask if I knew where the broom is. It was really awkward, seriously. After that moment, I knew I was in trouble. But thanks to God, it’s still a secret until now.

After that tragic happening, I told him not to visit until my sister get a job. It was not that hard for us to lay low because we still have connections with each other. We knew that there are some other times where we could have some privacy together.

April 19 was the best part. We are officially ON. 😀 it was through Facebook. It was actually a prank (again. HAHA). But it became serious. And that’s how we became LOVERS. Funny, right?

We had many fights, but those precious and happy memories were much more. We discover new things everyday even though we’re not together. And it’s funny how we create memories with just a cellphone and an internet. We are always in love with each other everyday<3

Just before the end of April, my sister got a job as a secretary in a hospital. We were so happy! HAHA. He visited whenever we wanted, except for Sundays because it’s my sister’s day off. He stayed as long as he wanted, and sometimes, he brings movies for us to watch. He was also here on Amber’s Christening, even though my sister forbade me to let him come.

And now, we’re laying low again. And this time, it’s because of my mother. HAHA. But still, we’re happy being lovers. And we knew that no one will ever break our relationship. 🙂

 

[ this blog is to be continued next month, June 19. 🙂 be updated! ]

[ Happy 1st month Americ. :* ]

Everything’s Fine and Dandy :)

IMG_20130428_110840 This is my daughter, Amber Louise. She was born when I’m 16 years old. It was hard, really. Being a single mother at a young age. But I realized that having a bundle of joy makes everyone happy.

I am now 17 years old. It’s hard for me to continue to college because of Amber. She needs me. Not only because of milk, but also because of care and love. But because of poverty here in the Philippines, I badly needed to go to college because of work.

It’s good that Amber’s grandparents from her Daddy’s side supports us. They gave money for Amber’s Christening, they always visit here every Sunday, and they always give diapers for Amber and a snack for me to eat. But it’s sad that Amber’s Daddy doesn’t care much for her daughter. Yes, he visited when I gave birth to Amber. Yes, he was there on Amber’s Christening. But is he there when I badly needed him for comfort when I’m pregnant? Is he there when I discovered something new about Amber? And did he even send me a message, asking if everything’s okay? The answer is NO.

“Any woman can give birth to a baby, but it takes a woman to step up and be a MOM. Any man can father a child, but it takes a real man to be a DAD.” This is the quote I wanted to tell him. But what can I do? He’s still immature. Yes, I’m also immature, I admit. But I never gave up on my daughter. I never gave her away just like other woman did. I love her, and I will always do.

I just remembered a line from the movie “Forrest Gump”. He said to Jenny, “My legs are just fine and dandy” even though it’s not really okay. That’s what I’m doing today. I always whisper to myself, “It’s alright. Everything’s fine and dandy.”